Padre Complex

[As a pastoral counselor in training it is important to begin identifying and clarifying those sources for theory and theology that I use in caregiving. This article is an attempt to clarify my source and school of theoretical insight. Object Relations is a development within the Psychoanalytic School of Therapy. Unlike Freud’s purely drive model approach to human behavior and therapy Object Relations includes a discussion of how early object realtionships provide for a child to thrive. In a future post I will discuss the competing claims of my sources for theory and theology. ]

Object Relations Theory is considered a theory within the school of psychoanalysis that describes the early object relationships that a child has with its environment prior to the Oedipal Phase of development. These object relationships are formed for various needs and are instrumental in helping the child form judgment about good and bad objects. The heart of these relationships would be the relationship between the infant and the mother or caretakers. (Kropp, 796) These object relationships are internalized and become part of the “internal world of the self” (Kropp, 796). For the purposes of this paper I will be using D. W. Winnicott. John McDargh conceptualizes the move from strict classical psychoanalytic theory to Object Relations as one from observing the satiated baby at the breast who has fallen asleep having satisfied that primal “instinctual drive for food.” (McDargh, 11) to one of the baby who in the midst of feeding at the breast “is happy to interrupt nursing (surprise!) to gaze upon and exchange smiles with the nursing adult, or to follow with rapt attention some interesting feature of the environment.” (McDargh, 11). McDargh says that
…

the key transition to postclassical psychoanalytic views of the self occurred when theorists began thinking of the id in a different way, as structured rather than formless, as directed rather than explosive. They began to think of repressed not as disorganized, impulsive fragments but as constellations organized around relationships, and they began to conceive of the id as involving a way of being, a sense of self, a person in relation to other persons, so that these theorists brought it closer in nature to Freud’s portrayal of the ego and superego. (McDargh, 12)

Object Relations Theory in all of its flavors theorizes that the self as separate from the ego uses different self-objects to meet various needs. These needs may be for nurture, food, or valuing. In fact it is fair to say just about anyone or anything can become a self-object. Children create a web of relationships with self-objects such as the infant and the mother’s breast, or the toddler and the ‘security blanket’ or the fifteen year-old and the keys to the car. Each of these objects/relationships represents more than just the literal physical thing. For the infant the breast is nurture and soothing, for the toddler the blanket is the presence of home and normalcy, and for the fifteen year-old the keys might represent freedom. (Kropp, 296)

The writings of D.W. Winnicott represent less of a system and more of a set of concepts. Key concepts in Winnicott’s writings are related less to instinctual drives as articulated by Freud and more about the interactions between the infant and the environment. Winnicott describes this as the “facilitating environment” (St. Clair, 69). The mother initially functions in a way that meets or anticipates the infant’s needs for food and nurture. At early stages the infant does not make recognize any separation between the environment and itself. The infant feels “omnipotent” initially and eventually as the maturational process happens the mother will reassert some of her independence as the infant is able to separate himself from the rest of the environment.

The concept of the ‘good-enough mother’ was developed by Winnicott to describe the way in which parenting and the child’s environment effects development. “The good enough-mother sufficiently provides for what the child needs at a particular developmental period in the relationship with the mother. The mother adapts and changes according to the changing needs of her child and gradually there is a decrease in the growing child’s dependence. (St. Clair, 70)” The child grows and develops because of the environment that the parents provide.

McDargh describes the environmental emphasis of parenting by describing it as the difference between being given a large exhaustive script for a play and being told that you are a supporting actor, that you are to do the things that others (your parents) want you to do. The script has every moment and inflection detailed so you won’t get lost. This obviously would be less than a caring holding environment. McDargh characterizes the good holding environment this way:

In this drama you are the principle actor and it is our function to support you, at least in this first act. It is improvisational theatre pretty much all the way, so go ahead and explore the range of your feelings and the body that is your instrument and we’ll be here to assure you that we will delight in your unfolding, that there are no malicious critics to be hidden in the audience and finally that there are nevertheless reliable boundaries that insure you won’t wander away from the real action or fall off the stage. Beyond that, it’s your show kiddo.”(McDargh, 13)

By centering and providing the safe environment the parent allows the child to discover his own role, in life and to act out the drama in an appropriate and life giving way.

References

Kropp, C. (1990) “Object Relations Theory” In R. J. Hunter, et al. (Eds.), Dictionary of
pastoral care and counseling. (pp. 796-798). Nashville : Abingdon Press.

McDargh, J. (1992) “Emerson and the Life of the Self: A psychoanalytic conversation.” In
R.K. Fenn & D. Capps (Eds.), The Endangered Self. (pp. 7-21). Princeton: Center for Religion, Self and Society, Princeton Theological Seminary.

St. Clair, M. (1986) Object relations and self psychology: An introduction. Monterey:
Brooks/Cole.

This past week I finished up my post papers for my D.Min coursework. If all goes well I should hear in a month whether I need to re-write or not. I am pretty sure to get one re-write (professor says everyone will regardles sof quality). But once that is done - I am free to begin the process of getting my reserach project approved and writing up the project (equivalent of a dissertation). Needless to say I am excited to be one step further down the road.

Yippee!

[As a pastoral counselor in training it is important to begin identifying and clarifying those sources for theory and theology that I use in caregiving. This article is an attempt to clarify my source and school of theological insight. Many pastoral counselors are liberation minded or process at heart. My choice to affirm a more orthodox theology stands out like a sore thumb among my peers. But I softened Hauerwas with Martin Luther King’s “Letter from the Birmingham Jail.”]

As a student at Duke Divinity School in Durham, NC my formation as a minister was at the hands of Stanley Hauerwas a theological ethics professor. Stanley is a gruff and abrasive person who has a heart for the church. His mother was a patient Methodist church woman and his father was a blue collar brick layer. Hauerwas learned formation and ethics by following his father on the job site and learning how to build something one brick at a time, and the importance of how to mix the mud that would cement a structure together. Hauerwas could be understood as a narrative theologian who speaks about his work in ethical terms. He grounds the work of theological ethics squarely in the worshipping life of a community. “To the extent that the church is what it does, then, we have identified it as that part of God’s creation that seeks to respond to his love by taking up his invitation to worship him, be his friend, and eat with him.” (Hauerwas & Wells 21).

Hauerwas understands church, more specifically worship, to be the place where we learn our story as the people of God, and are equipped with a set of practices that will help us navigate the world around us. Worship for Hauerwas is more than a mystical experience – it is the formative experience in community (Hauerwas & Wells, 24). For Hauerwas the use of Aquinas (and Aristotle before him) is crucial for the understanding of how faith communities form Christians into virtuous individuals. Hauerwas uses the word character in this way. “But the kind of character the Christian seeks to develop is correlative of a narrative that trains the self to be sufficient to negotiate existence without illusion or deception (Hauerwas, 228). For Hauerwas discipleship is an interpretive process that is only intelligible within a worshipping community (Hauerwas, 248). In attending and participating in a faith community we acquire the virtues. And for Hauerwas (as well as Aristotle and Aquinas) the chief virtue is friendship “Friendship is at the center of the moral life because the virtues God’s people learn in being friends of one another are vital in learning what it means to be God’s friends forever. The phrase that best expresses this friendship is “a companion – is one who shares bread” (Hauerwas & Wells, 16). For Hauerwas the most accurate image of friendship and worship is the two sacraments of the church Eucharist and Baptism. In Eucharist the church habitually longs for the return of God, and reminds themselves of hospitality, friendship and love. In baptism we are incorporated into Christ and see our lives embraced in his life (Hauerwas & Wells, 16).

A common quote in Hauerwas’ seminar comes from Origen and Cyprian and goes “You cannot have God as father unless you take the church as your mother.” For Hauerwas moral principles cannot be intelligible without a story. For Christians the story that constitutes the church, and describes redemption is the story of God’s love (Hauerwas & Wells, 16). And it is in the community formed by the narrative that Christians are formed into persons of character who embody the virtues. Without the church we would be orphaned – unable to learn through worship the virtues of a life lived with God as a companion.

Now it is important to crystallize some of what might be seen as very pious language. For Hauerwas the narrative that informs Christianity is that of a man who loved enemies, ate with strangers, did not use coercion or resort to violence, and who gave self-sacrificially his life on behalf of others. It should be said that not every ‘church’ shares that same narrative. For Hauerwas the narrative is not just something to put on a greeting card but rather it was the lens that informs the church regarding its past and directs it towards its future. “For our freedom is dependent on our having a narrative that gives us skills of interpretation sufficient to allow us to make our past our own through incorporation into our ongoing history” (Hauerwas, 249). In Hauerwas’ understanding there was no more critical lens then the narrative being embodied in the community.

A Critical Look at Stanley and ‘The Story’

Though Hauerwas has claimed not to be postmodern and sees the postmodern mood more of a stylish choice, his critique of the church has a familiar ring to postmodern criticism. Altman writes:

“The challenge then is to believe strongly and deeply, without the assurance of a unquestionable foundation. This position amounts to taking personal responsibility for our moral commitments, as opposed to making appeals to universal validity. Bernstein puts it this way” ‘We engage in critique as second person participants and not as third person neutral observers. As participants our critiques and affirmations are always tentative, fallible, open to further questioning.” (Altman, 73).

A critique of Hauerwas is that he claims a story and a community. Often times those in power write the stories that explain and incorporate our history. Because Hauerwas is a man of privilege who writes for organized religion it would be helpful to examine and note some of who he would claim as his sources. Hauerwas might feel institutional and supportive of the status quo – but in fact he embraces nonviolent action as embodied in Gandhi and the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Taking for example Dr. King’s Letter from Birmingham Jail (1963) you can see some of the resonances between Hauerwas’ understanding of Christian formation and the use of story. Dr. King affirms the idea of self-in relation that is present in Object Relations Theory and also in Hauerwas’ character formed in community. Dr King writes,

“I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit be in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial “outside agitator” idea (King, 2)

Hauerwas derives in a sense his stance against vague story-less moral principles from Dr King’s discussion of the difference between a just law and an unjust law. Dr. King writes “To put it in terms of St. Thomas Aquinas: An unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal law and natural law. Any law that uplifts human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust” (King, 7) The difficult issue for Hauerwas and the institutional church is that often times the story that the church has used to organize its ethic life of discipleship has not always support the plight of those who Jesus served. Dr. King notes that he hoped that he would have been supported by the white religious leaders would mobilize their congregations to support the Civil Rights movement. Instead of risking on behalf of the Gospel these southern religious leaders stood “on the sideline and mouth pious irrelevancies and sanctimonious trivialities.” (King, 14) Dr. King says that “too many others have been more cautious than courageous and have remained silent behind the anesthetizing security of stained-glass windows” (King, 14).

Hauerwas – to his credit spends little time behind the stained-glass windows. In a country where we have elected a President who has taken us into a war with Islamic Radicals Hauerwas continues to affirm pacifism. Hauerwas has maintained his position that the story of the church is one of peace. He rejects the use of coercion as a means to secure peace. Of the course of the nuclear arms race, the cold war and the attacks on September 11, 2001 he has maintained this stance that the church must not succumb to the temptation to use force and violence to secure a peace. Dr. King’s comments about the importance of means and ends must be equally pure. “I have tried to make clear that it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends (King, 17).

For those who would critique Hauerwas for speaking from a position of power they must remember that the story that forms the church is not one that has always been embraced by the majority. Hauerwas resonates with Dr. King in remembering that the story includes those who were in the minority like “the refusal of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to obey the laws of Nebuchadnezzar on the ground that a higher moral law was at stake (King, 8 )

References
Altman, N. (1995) The analyst in the inner city: Race, class, and culture through a
psychoanalytic lens. Hillsdale: The Analytic Press.

Bliwise, R. J. (May – June 2001) “A Matter of Honor” Duke Magazine 87, 4, found online at http://www.dukemagazine.duke.edu/dukemag/issues
/050601/honor.html.

Hauerwas, S. (2001) “Character Narrative and Growth in the Christian Life.” In J. Berkman
& M. Cartwright (Eds.), The Hauerwas Reader (pp. 221-254). Durham: Duke University Press.

Hauerwas, S. & Wells, S. (2004) “Christian Ethics as Informed Prayer.” In S. Hauerwas &
S. Wells (Eds.), The Blackwell Companion to Christian Ethics (pp. 3-12). Oxford: Blackwell.

—————————— (2004) “The Gift of the Church and the Gifts God Gives It.” In S.
Hauerwas & S. Wells (Eds.), The Blackwell Companion to Christian Ethics (pp. 13-27). Oxford: Blackwell.

King, M. L. (1963) Letter from Birmingham Jail, found on line at www.almaz.com/nobel/peace/MLK-jail.html

Well, I just returned from three weeks of coursework and one week of vacation. Needless to say there are a few loads of laundry, a few pastoral calls to make and a little bit of normalcy to get back to…

I will complete a two year intern/practicum at the Krist Samritan Counseling Center in Clearlake, TX on May 23, 2006. It is towards the partial fulfillment of my Doctor of Ministry program in Pastoral Counseling and Psychotherapy at Garrett-Evangelical.

On Sunday 5/21 we will have a Recognition Sunday at church for our one confirmand, our volunteers in children’s ministry, our one graduating senior from High School, and those adults who are going back to school. I’ll be one of them.

The following was found on an Orthodox Church Website. A prayer for Graduates.

Father, I have knowledge,
so I pray you’ll show me now
How to use it wisely
and find a way somehow
To make the world I live in
a little better place,
And make life, with its problems,
a bit easier to face…
Grant me faith and courage
and put purpose in my days,
And show me how to serve Thee
in the most effective ways
So all my education,
my knowledge and my skill,
May find their true fulfillment
as I learn to do Thy will…
And may I ever be aware
in everything I do
That knowledge comes from learning -
And wisdom comes from You.
- Helen Steiner Rice

Anyone else celebrating an ending and a beginning?

A section from my latest draft of selfcare for pastors.

Our conference is similar to other judicatories we have experienced a number of scandals related to ministers getting caught viewing inappropriate material on the internet. Mark Laaser and Louis Gregoire looked at some of the issues surrounding cybersexual addiction in their article “Pastors and Cybersex Addiction.” In it they found that a rising number of clergy among all religious traditions are presenting with addiction to Internet pornography. In their assessment they found pastors to have specific vocational considerations that complicated their treatment and recovery. As already mentioned Pastors suffer from a challenging and changing role. Some clergy complicate an already difficult situation by joining the clergy out of a strong psychological need as opposed to a call from God or a desire to do service for the church. They have a “form of a pastoral co-dependency, pastors will totally sacrifice themselves for the sake of others without setting healthy boundaries.”¹ For many internet addicted the approval of parishioners is a shame reduction strategy in that they “love the admiration their role brings them.”

Many clergy who are in a cybersex addicition report being isolated, fearful of the extreme consequences that can come from getting caught, engage in immature rationalizing (thinking that there are certain equations of justice in which good deeds cancel out the bad deeds of internet pornography) , angry, feel entitled to their addiction, and unable to submit to accountability with others. These factors complicate the discovery, treatment and rehabilitation of clergy in cybersexual addictions.²

Clergy are fearful of asking for the help they need, and they are scared that those who understand them the best (judicatory officials, colleagues, etc) will only terminate them in an effort to limit legal liabilities and exposure. The question remains — where will those who are need of help receive it. And is there a way to protect the flock and still heal the shepherd?

1. Laaser, Mark R. and Louis J. Gregoire., (2003), Pastors and Cybersex Addictions. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 18, 3, p 397 [back]
2. ibid., 399 [back]

Or is The Breakfast Club a modern take on Jean Paul Sartre’s No Exit?

And.. what was Molly Ringwald’s charcter in detention for anyways?

“I worry most – not about my success as a minister, nor about the state of my soul, but rather about whether or not my child will grow up to love or hate the church…”

The Case:

A 51-year-old male with symptoms of depression, the patient has high blood pressure and is overweight, presenting a heightened risk of heart disease and other illnesses. He works 60-70 hours a week in a sedentary job, does not currently engage in any physical exercise, and reports considerable work-related stress. Patient is married, with three children, one of whom expresses interest in following patient’s career path. Patient expresses little enthusiasm for encouraging child to do so. (From “Which Way to Clergy Health” Online article by Bob Wells. Reprinted from the Fall 2002 issue of Divinity, the alumni magazine of Duke Divinity School)

The above case description comes from Dr. Gwen Halaas the project director of the Ministerial Health and Wellness Program, an initiative of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. The case presented is not a specific person but a statistically generated description of the typical Lutheran pastor.

Some Voices Regarding Clergy Health
John Sanford’s work identifies some of the key stresses “in parish life; e.g. the work is never done, one cannot always measure (or even see) the results, the work is repetitive, and the pastor is constantly dealing with other’s expectations.” (“First Look: What Brings Clergy Candidates into Ministry and What Happens When They Don’t Get It” Journal of Pastoral Care & Counseling, Spring 2003, 57:1, 15-26)

Edgar Mills’ research suggests that clergy are most susceptible to burnout as a result of stress during three developmental moments in their careers. They are vulnerable within 5-10 years after graduating from seminary (due to unmet expectations and lots of zeal), 15-20 years into ministry (when zeal and energy subside and clergy question whether they want this for their whole life), and 10-5 years or so until retirement (when they question whether it is all downhill from here). (Rediger, G.Lloyd, Coping With Clergy Burnout. (Judson Press: PA, 1982), pg 41.)

Clergy misconduct and malpractice is defined as behavior that violates the boundaries of parishioners and results in impairment in the life of the church community, its clergy, or one of its parishioners. This definition could also be understood as any time a ‘critical incident’ is caused by a clergyperson’s inappropriate sexual, financial, or interpersonal behavior. In this definition note that even apparently ‘consensual’ sexual relationships between clergy and adult parishioners are considered misconduct and/or malpractice. The more conservative numbers regarding sexual misconduct are that 10% of clergy are guilty and another 15% are at risk of crossing the line of misconduct during their careers. (From Cammarano, Peter. “Professional Issues and Ethics,” Unpublished paper for Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary D.Min program submitted to Dr. Gerald DeSobe.)

Most literature shows that young clergy (first career, less than 10 years in ministry) are dropping out of full-time ministry at a rate between 5-18%. (Weaver, A.J., Flannelly, K.J.; Larson, D.B.; Stapleton, C.L., Koenig, H.G., (2002). Mental health issues among clergy and other religious professionals: a review of research. Journal of Pastoral Care and Counseling, 56, 4, p 393-403.)

Barbara Gilbert writes “There’s a hunger in most of us to be seen and accepted as persons in our own right, not just in the role we perform. Whenever it is difficult for clergy to find places where they can be out of their role or accepted in spite of their role, they experience isolation.” (Gilbert, Barbara, Who Ministers to Ministers? (Bethesda, MD, 1987), p.8.)

My Thoughts
My entry into this experience is relational and personal. I can confess that I am overweight, find it hard to (find time to) exercise, to gauge success in ministry without becoming anxious, and often wonder what the future will bring to ministry as a career. I worry most – not about my success as a minister, nor about the state of my soul, but rather about whether or not my child will grow up to love or hate the church. How do we support pastors and their families?

Boundary Challenges and violations are becoming more common. The statistics regarding clergy who either considered a boundary challenge or have been caught in an inappropriate arrangement (no crime was committed) are astonishing. Stress is considered to be a major factor in most cases. Most of these who are not predators are better described by terms other than pathology. Many clergy who are at risk or have committed boundary violations are to intimidated to tell anyone in authority for fear of consequences. In addition, most clergy carry issues of shame that paralyze them in the face of wrong-doing. Clergy in these situations need treatment and support but the structure of the institution itself inhibits it from happening.

I feel as if I carry a burden to ask the question of why, how, and how not.

What practice? I am interested in the connection between clergy physical health, mental health and boundary challenges. The literature is full of discussions of job satisfaction, burnout and depression. I’d like to think about a new category – the idea of ‘blowout.’ Is there vulnerability where clergy are placed at risk for ‘acting out’? Are they so unsupported that we hazard them blowing out – and hurting parishioners, their careers, and churches?

(The above post comes from a paper proposal for my D.Min program)